Birth Porn


Birth Porn

What? Social media, Pinterest,  gender reveal parties with exploding cakes, all the talk about birth stories… everywhere you look there’s this idealized version of what pregnancy and birth looks like. Everyone has a perfect bump in their fitted dress. Those who birth best are “called to ideal birth”. They write their birth affirmations, they build the birth alters and they birth without breaking a sweat. Their birth photographers know just the right angles to never catch sight of any medical equipment or a hair out of place. She walks the perfect line of badass and modest femininity.

This is birth porn. This is the birth version of  only showing the world large breasts with large nipples and “perfect” bodies.

This is a realistic view but only a snapshot. This isn’t a big picture view. This is another form of mom guilt. You get 40 weeks to do “it all”. How do you live in the moment and stay authentic to who you are and what you want?

This doesn’t only apply to birth. This also applies to pregnancy. In early pregnancy when you are feeling sluggish and it feels hard to get out of bed, t can be so hard to see #nurserygoals or elaborate babymoons.

Some women feel depressed during pregnancy or feel sick during their whole pregnancy. If you’re on bedrest through most of your pregnancy or even most of your final trimester, we see you. You aren’t likely to have an elaborate gender reveal.

Let’s also fast forward to postpartum. You may not look like the person in the newborn and family photos. We are actually hoping that you aren’t bouncing back. You might be struggling with mood and social media may be a lifeline or make you feel more isolated.

Decide what feels better. Use social where it feels right.

In the same way that a Playboy photo is a photo of a real woman but photoshopped, background changed, details rearranged… social media is a form of birth porn. We get a tiny glimpse of what someone wants to show of their pregnancy, birth or postpartum. Like pornography, this can lead to feelings of inadequacy, guilt, depression, feeling less than or a variety of other emotions, including anger. All of these stages around having a baby are often out of our control.